Stupid ordinances are the real nuisance By K. D. Seefeld News-Chronicle Have you ever glanced at a newspaper headline and said to yourself, "Self, surely I didn't read what I just read?" This recently happened to yours truly while skimming through the newspaper. Headline: "New ordinance would make landlords responsible for troublesome tenants." Huh? After reading the entire article about the ordinance, it made sense that it didn't make any sense. The proposed ordinance was brought to light by Green Bay's famous lawslinger, assistant city attorney Lanny Schimmel, and a cabal called the Nuisance Working Group. Did you know Green Bay had such a group? One can only speculate they must meet in secret undisclosed locations known only to those in possession of decoder rings. Regardless, what the cabal's ordinance says is: If a property receives three nuisance calls within a 30-day period that result in enforcement action, police send out a notice to the property owner, who then has 15 days to take corrective action. If there is another call to the cops, after the 15-day period, the landlord gets a bill for services rendered from said enforcers. That is to say if you own an apartment building with 100 apartments, and three different tenants are visited by the men in blue, you, Mr. Landlord, are going to pay. Talk about double taxation. The reason given for this ordinance according to the media is: The ordinance hinges on the concept bad tenants don't just create problems for their neighbors; they place a burden on city taxpayers by using more than their fair share of police resources. What a crock of bull. The reason taxpayers have a tax burden is because politicians overtax us, not landlords; and, what is this "using more than their fair share of police resources" garbage? The coppers have an area of town they patrol during their shift. Each day doesn't have the same number of calls to which the coppers respond. Some days there are fewer calls, some days are average, and some days there are more than average. The law of averages says the number of calls will remain about the same over a certain time period, unless of course, there is a spike in crime. Has there been an increase in crime the coppers haven't told us about? Wasn't there a big bust of those nuisance escort services recently? Wouldn't that actually make the crime rate go down? Hmmm! Why does the ordinance only target landlords? Why not charge other property owners who are known to get more than their fair share of police calls. How many shoplifting calls are made to the malls, convenience stores, retail stores and other businesses? How many drunk-and-disorderly calls are made to bars, taverns, nightclubs? How many times are police called to schools, banquet halls, concerts? What about the amount of calls on game day? Are there more calls then than on the average day? Certainly a landlord can't control the need for extra services caused by having a pro football team in town. Let's send the Packers and the NFL a bill for causing an increase of police responses to apartments. Hey, it is only fair, and that is what the cabal and the city council want, right? Why not target drivers who are a nuisance. What about a nuisance driver picked up three times within a month? Once for a faulty muffler; second for playing his quadraphonic, super-hyper-booming bass, kick-butt-car-sound system full blast; and third for honking his horn that plays eight bars of "Dixie" at 110db. Why not fine him, send a bill to the muffler and sound manufacturer, and join suit with the NAACP for playing a racially divisive melody? Why not target the weather. The recent ice caused an unusual amount of nuisance fender benders that needed the resources of Green Bay's finest. Maybe they could send a bill to Mother Nature? And why just police resources? Why not the fire, planning, inspection and legal departments? Reader, have you received your fair share of these resources? No. Should we be taxed the same as those who have received more than their fair share of those valuable resources? Here's an idea for the maker-uppers of ordinances that are a nuisance. Get rid of stupid ordinances. Like the one that doesn't allow people to leave their car parked on the street overnight in the summer. How dumb is that? Finally, here's some advice for all you nuisance tenants. Start your own Nuisance Tenants' Working Group. Plan your nuisances over a 31-day period instead of the ordinance's 30-day period. By working together, you can rescue Green Bay landlords from being innocent victims of legal extortion by lawslinger Schimmel and his cabal.