Never let your Gard down By Curt Andersen News-Chronicle As the story goes, a busload of politicians hits a tree. Hearing the crash, a farmer investigates. After viewing the scene, he gets his backhoe, digs a hole and buries the politicians. The sheriff arrives at the crash scene and asks the farmer, "What happened to the politicians?" "I buried 'em," said the farmer. Asked the sheriff, "Were all the politicians dead?" The farmer replied, "Well, some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie." Some famous lies: "The check is in the mail." "I'll respect you in the morning." "The merger will not affect you." "Germany has been attacked by Poland!" "This car was owned by an old lady who only drove it to church on Sundays." "American warships have been hit in an unprovoked attack off the coast of North Vietnam!" "We can still be friends." "Read my lips - No new taxes!" The "Liberal media." "I did not have sex with that woman ... Ms. Lewinsky." "I am not a crook." Lies are a big part of politics. Wisconsin has been subjected to more than its fair share of lies from politicians for years. Former Gov. Tommy Thompson said he was an "environmentalist." (Phewie!) U.S. Rep. Mark Green, R-Green Bay, told me to my face that he was an environmentalist, but both are the polar opposite. If either supported any bill that had any environmental responsibility attached to it, then one of their fat-cat donors was about to profit from it. The latest Big Fat Fib is from state Rep. John Gard, R-Peshtigo, who has violated the spirit, if not the letter of the law, regarding fund-raising when the Legislature is in session and working on the budget. The law was written to avoid conflicts of interest between legislators and special interests that might profit from spending programs. Gard's pathetic excuse is that the Legislature was not in session at night or on weekends, and he was outside of Dane County. Gard has been collecting huge campaign donations from the highway-construction lobby and is returning a large gift in the budget. The quid pro quo, "something for something," is illegal but hard to prove. Henry David Thoreau said, "Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk." Gard stated, ironically, "If you're a person with low integrity, it doesn't matter when you raise money." Is Gard taking speaking lessons from President Bush? Jay Heck of Wisconsin's Common Cause cautioned lawmakers about fund-raising activities because of the scandal that erupted last year. Two Democrats and three Republicans are facing felony charges for questionable fund-raising activities. Apparently, it's not a big enough threat. It wouldn't be an issue if Gard and his ilk voted against anything they accepted money for, but they haven't. These legislators mock citizens with whiny protests of innocence. Legislators take an oath to protect and serve the citizens of the state. Instead, they take bribes under the name of "donations" from those who will profit. Go ahead, John. Keep on hitting that hornet's nest. "Unchecked excess is the condition of the tyrant; it has been the cause of the premature fall of prosperous thrones and the lives of many kings." - William Shakespeare, "Macbeth." The 1960s were the Age of Aquarius. Welcome to the Dawning of the Age of Nefarious. Andersen is a lifelong resident of the Green Bay area and a Navy veteran. He owns a small business and is an adjunct instructor at NWTC. He is vice president of the Clean Water Action Council. His column runs Wednesdays. Contact him via e-mail at [email protected]