For Halloween, wear a Freudian slip By Molly DeCleene News-Chronicle The goblins are coming! The goblins are coming! That's right, readers. Halloween is a mere two and a half weeks away. If you are planning on attending a party or showing trick-or-treaters how into the spooky spirit you are, you probably will want to wear a costume. If you haven't thought about that costume yet, please read the following list of simple ideas. The outfits are easy and inexpensive to make, and they are fun. Enjoy! * Smarty-pants. One of my cousins has a classmate who wore this several years ago. Wear a shirt and a pair of pants you don't mind wrecking. Glue or tape Smarties - those round, multicolored candies that come in a cellophane tube - to the pants. Make wisecracks. Repeat. * Miss or Mr. Universe. Dress in black from head to toe. Adorn your face with glitter. Affix glow-in-the-dark star stickers to your clothing (you can find them in craft stores). Make a sash out of a piece of crepe paper or an old towel and tape or pin the ends together. Now, strut that runway! * Rapunzel. My dear friend Kelly dressed as this fairy-tale character when she had waist-length hair. She plaited her hair and wore a long dress. Her "prince" was an action figure she had borrowed from a friend. She made a crown out of aluminum foil and tied the prince into her hair. If your hair is too short to braid, wear a wig. And your action figure can double as your date for any and all Halloween festivities. *Mummy. Warning: Do not wear this costume if you have consumed a lot of fluids or if you plan to participate in activities that require a large range of motion. Buy a piece of plain white fabric or take a sheet. Cut the fabric into long strips. Wrap them around your body and face, but make sure to keep your eyes, nose and mouth clear. Tuck the ends of the fabric under so they won't unravel. Ta-da! You are a mummy. If you choose this costume, remember two things. One, wear the wrap over your street clothes. You may wish to retire the costume before you go home for the evening. Two, make sure you visit the bathroom before you start wrapping. *Freudian Slip. All you need for this costume is a slip or a sliplike dress, an index card, and a safety pin. Don the slip. Write the word "Freudian" on the card and pin it to that slip. You are ready for your costume party and questions about whether cigars are really just cigars. *Medieval Guy. I heard about this one from my friend Joe, who is a high school teacher with some very creative students. Several years ago, one of those students had taped the letters "I" and "E" to his shirt. When people asked him what he was supposed to be, he answered that was a medieval guy. Clever. Very clever. *The One. If you are a person who loves bad puns, this is the costume for you. You will need a plain, colored T-shirt, a permanent maker and a quick wit. Write "The One" (minus the quotation marks) on the shirt. Wear it with the pants or jeans that make you feel most confident. Then, head to your party or other celebration destination and let the fun begin. You can either wait for people to approach you and ask what your shirt means ("Which 'one' are you?"), or take the initiative, start talking with someone you find interesting, and say, "I'm the one. I heard you were looking for me." The marvelous thing about this costume is that there are so many Ones. You can be The One who is a fantastic dancer, The One who makes awesome shrimp dip, or The One who knows how to rebuild a car engine. There are two caveats that go along with this costume. First, be sure the person you flirt with is single. You do not want to be The One who hits on people who are dating, engaged or married. Secondly, you may want to carry a sign with the word "not" on it for emergency situations. For example, if someone asks who used the last ice cube and did not refill the tray, hold up that sign. Because you are not The One who would do such an inconsiderate thing. If you were The One who took the last ice cube, apologize and refill the tray. Then be The One who runs out for ice while the cubes are setting. DeCleene's column runs Wednesdays in the Woman Section. She is not The One who took the last chocolate-chip cookie. If you have comments or an idea for this space, please contact her at [email protected].