Sold down the river By Curt Andersen News-Chronicle Many people in Wisconsin thought that when former governor, Tommy Thompson, fled the state to help the Bush Administration loot our natural resources, Wisconsin would be able to pull itself out of the economic and political muck Thompson left us in. Alas, it is not to be, as our Republican Assembly and Senate have gone all zombie on us, cranking out nutcase bills like so many spicy chicken wings. Years ago, when I was a registered Republican, the reason for my support was because of the Republican Party’s legendary “fiscally conservative” nature. Of course, that’s why it’s called legendary…it hasn’t existed for years. In fact, the current Wisconsin legislature has been acting like they’ve gotten into gobbling mushrooms from questionable sources. Here is a list of the incredibly inane bills recently put out by Wisconsin’s Republican legislature. Laws sponsored by the Assembly are referred to as “Assembly Bill” (AB) while laws written by the Senate are referred to as “Senate Bill” (SB). AB506, a bill of pure lunacy written by Scott Gunderson, R - Union Grove, was to redefine the term “navigability” when it comes to the protection of our rivers. Aside from damaging the fish populations and spawning habitat in these rivers, this bill would only help polluting mining interests, polluting paper mills, and greedy land developers whose actions would destroy the river itself. The Republicans want to change the rule for navigability by saying a stream must “float a boat for six months of the year” instead of the current “float a boat one day a year.” Any fool knows that in some dry years, some streams will not flow enough to float a boat for six months of the year, while in heavy rain years, the water will run fast and high. Light precipitation in winter, spring, and fall could determine if a stream is navigable, even if the next year it is an active watercourse. This does not change the habits of the fish that spawn in these tiny creeks. Reason prevailed over this bill, as it is dead for now, but what the heck was Gunderson thinking? AB530 would weaken existing limitations on new bridge building over Wild Rivers. Is nothing sacred to these Republicans, other than money? There are millions of acres of land that can be accessed without building bridges over Wild Rivers. Can’t we leave a few places where noisy, destructive, and messy humans can’t get? AB493 would limit local governments from withholding Conditional Use permits, which could allow massive hog farms, for example, to blossom in your neighborhood. If local governments can’t control such nuisances, then why do we band together to form governments in the first place? What’s all that hooey about Republicans wanting “local control”? AB480 would gut the Stewardship Fund. Over the last 13 years, Wisconsin has acquired more than 225,000 acres of some of the most pristine lands and waters in the state. One does not have to be Albert Einstein to understand that fish and game need areas for their own growth, or the fishing and hunting benefits are lost. Much of this land is open for hunting and fishing to Wisconsin citizens. Or we could buy our own land to hunt on. SB100/AB267 would create a “safe harbor” in air toxics law for companies that violate Wisconsin air pollution laws, by protecting the polluter if they admit their mistake within 45 days of the violation. If put into proper context with other laws like SB61/AB228 below, this could keep the DNR from being able to determine IF or WHEN a violation occurred. Would this law also count for the murderer who admits his mistake within 45 days of the crime? How unbelievably stupid! Polluters, the Borgias of the 21st century, are the only ones who profit from this law. SB246/AB486 would force the Department of Natural Resources to grant permits automatically if the DNR is unable to review the applications in a timely manner or refund the fees. Since the DNR budget has been slashed several times over the past few years, it would be hard for them to get anything done on time, but with key permitting personnel missing, it will be impossible. As usual, this bill supports Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce, a leading group supporting business interests over the welfare of the citizens of the state. SB61/AB228 is a double-whammy bill that will allow special exemptions from pollution regulations. It would prevent DNR from inspecting facilities that are suspected of polluting and would grant immunity from enforcement actions. This particular bill would allow the guilty parties to set the terms of penalties, even if they decide there should be no penalties. Pollution regulation laws are in place precisely because industry has shown time and time again that it cannot be trusted to self-regulate. Polluters brought these laws on themselves and if they can’t hack it, they should sell velvet paintings on street corners. We all got to see, during the 20-plus year fight against a mine in Crandon, that the Republicans in the legislature were wrapped in an economic embrace with the several mining companies that soiled our state with their lobbying donations. The Republican members of our legislature sold out to these special interests, and you know full well what they call people who sell themselves for money. It is not my custom to give out investment information, but I am a Liberal and I want to help others with these investment tips. First, we have the simple Investing 101. Step one: Buy our Republican legislature for what they are worth to the people of the state. (Easy so far.) Step two: Sell our Republican legislature for what they think they are worth, and this should net you a gain of 100%. (Okay, now it gets harder.) Step three: Reinvest your earnings by buying the Republican legislature for what they are worth to the people of the state (yes, you repeat Step One.) Step four: Now for the hard part: Sell the Republican legislature for what they are worth to special interests. In one day, you can increase your fortune by 15,000%. Not bad for a short-term plan. Why anyone would vote for a single member of this band is beyond the ken of anyone with a conscience.