Flushed on two fronts By Tom Brooker News-Chronicle Never let it be said I am so self-centered and self-assured that I am unable to admit a mistake. And, so, I must begin this column with an apology. In last week's "Ask an Editor," I very gently implied that our state lawmakers are frittering away their time doing nothing substantive. Given the type of legislation they're sending to the governor, I VERY subtly hinted, this do-nothing posture is a good thing. Well, I was wrong. As it turns out, judging from the response that article aroused, our lawmakers in Madison are doing something VERY substantive with their time: They're reading this column. Also, being the fair-minded, even-handed editor that I am, I feel obliged to have some of their views given vent right here, right in front of God (who is also a loyal reader of this column, I've been told) and you, our common, salt-of-the earth Everyman and Everywoman who never drew a tax-paid per diem in your life. Of course, I will also present my usual, deeply insightful, dispassionate editor-type responses following each. Dorothy W. says: "Your attempt at humor is crude and boorish. A misognnist (sic) such as yourself does not deserve to be on any paper except toilet paper - and then flushed." Dispassionate response: Well, I'm in the right place, seeing that Green Bay is THE toilet paper capital of the world. Your analogy is very cleverly crafted. Have you ever considered being a columnist? I have vacation time coming soon. Timothy G. (who is a legislative researcher) says: " ... don't think that you are going to get a free pass on infecting the outside public just because you buy ink by the barrel. There are other publications out there that get it right. They have faith in the legislature to reflect the views of their constituents and this legislative employee has faith in them to outshine even 'Wisconsin's leading daily newspaper.' "More like Wisconsin's mis-leading daily newspaper." Fair-minded, even-handed response: It is good to know we taxpayers have such a diligent employee down in Madison looking out for our best interests. I'd even bet that your e-mail to me was composed on your own time and on your own computer. (It was, wasn't it, Tim? TIM?) By the way, can you get me tickets to the Badgers' home game against Illinois this year? And Paula W. opines: "... to assert that women join the Republican Party simply to meet a man is disgusting at best and a slap in the face to those women. Then to assume that men would only vote for a woman because he's afraid to "cross" her is a disservice to ALL VOTERS. I am proud to be a Republican elected official and I will tell you why. I believe in open competition and the free enterprise system. I believe that when you give people a hand up and not a hand out, they will reach their dreams. I believe that the taxpayer's money is better spent by the taxpayers than the government. I trust the taxpayers." Compassionate, empathetic response: I REALLY like the fact that you've copied my technique by putting important words in CAPITAL letters. I, too, believe that taxpayer money is better spent by the taxpayer, but the Wisconsin Department of Revenue said I had to send it to you guys anyway or go to jail. Hey, I just wanted to avoid the middle-man, you know? And I also agree that a "hand-up" is better than a "hand-out." But the last time I visited a concealed-carry state, a guy pulled out a "hand-gun" and insisted on a "hand-out." I quickly changed my political perspective. Finally ... To the one Assemblywoman-type-person who called and said, "The next time I use my 'well-honed butchering' skills on the farm, I hope you're within swinging distance of me ... " I say, "I am swayed by the power of your logic. You've got my vote!" Brooker is editor of The Green Bay News-Chronicle. You can ask him anything through e-mail ([email protected]), or write to him at P.O. Box 2467, Green Bay, 54306.