Humpty Dumpty has a great fall By Ray Barrington News-Chronicle I'm a little surprised I didn't make the news Tuesday night. But I may still have a shot at "America's Funniest Home Videos." Things like this seem to happen to me. A few years ago, I was covering a Mike Holmgren statement after practice and I had to sneeze. It reached the point where my only hope was to sneeze between questions. I didn't. Other reporter: "Will losing so-and-so affect your running game?" Mike: "Well, I...." Me: "Ah-CHOOOO! Ah-CHOOOO!" (news conference dissolves in laughter) Mike: "It won't affect me, but you can see how it affected Ray..." I am told I made the Sunday night blooper reel on a Milwaukee television station that week. Happily, no bloopers are out there of my latest fiasco. If so, I'd like to buy the tapes. I was running late to a news conference Tuesday morning in Ashwaubenon; the office had called at 8:25 a.m. for the 8:30 a.m. event. No shower, just pull on clothes and go. So I get to the village hall, the folks at the front desk wave me toward the room, the cop at the door waves me in and... I trip on the rug and fall - hard. "(DELETED!)" I yell, rather interrupting the press conference, and I'm rewarded with a loud "shhhh" from somebody up front. I don't know who because I'm still making sure all body parts are attached. I have a sore arm - is it broken? Well, it's sore. But it doesn't feel broken, so I haul myself up with help and stand there for the rest of the newsconference. As I did, my right thigh gets tighter and tighter and tighter to the point where I can't put any weight on it without extreme pain. So I wave to the officer at the door who had first asked if I needed the paramedics and agree, since they might be useful. The Ashwaubenon Village Hall isn't a bad place to be if you're going to try to kill yourself accidentally. They bring in the cart and roll me into the ambulance - me clutching my press conference notes. My blood pressure is almost off the charts, and my thigh is really killing me, and so is my right forearm. Into the emergency room at St. Mary's, where they give me the once over, and then to X-ray, which is woefully uncomfortable. I can't find a way to hold my leg that doesn't hurt, and twisting it around for the X-ray is really painful. I'd kill for good drugs. But the good news - nothing was broken. Just either a torn muscle or a bad, bad bruise. So a little morphine and some crutches later, I'm out of there in two hours. My wife was there by that time. Turns out one of the TV stations called my office to let them know I'd broken my leg. (Typical TV news accuracy, although the gesture is appreciated.) So they call my wife at work to see what hospital I'm at. (Yup, she didn't know, and she freaked). So she calls all four hospitals, getting me with the last one. I reassured her and told her to get back to work and I'd call when I knew more. I also called the office to let them know I wasn't dead. I'm doing OK now, wrapped toe to hip in ace wrap and stiff and sore. And on crutches for a few days. It'll be about three weeks before I'm OK. So if I'm covering your event, get those cameras rolling. Tom Bergeron probably has $10,000 for you. Barrington is a reporter for The News-Chronicle. His column appears here Fridays. Contact him via e-mail at [email protected] or call 432-2941.