Bring it on, cream-cheese heads By Ray Barrington News-Chronicle Mr. William Bunch Philadelphia Daily News Philadelphia, PA Dear Bill, Somebody sent me a copy of your column about our fair city - we looked it up in the Wisconsin lawbooks, and we're the third-largest city in the state, even though you don't think we're a city - and I had to drop a note to respond. You were nice enough to say good things about our quarterback, Brett Favre (you even spelled it correctly) and how he's overcome adversity. So we'll say something good about your quarterback, Donovan McNabb. He's even better at selling soup than Reggie White, a man who had to flee Philly to play on a Super Bowl champion. Oh, I can understand your envy, your need to hate Green Bay. I can even understand your need to rip us for being small: "Green Bay doesn't deserve a professional sports franchise any more than our own beloved neighborhood of Frankford or Pottsville or Pottstown or wherever the heck that place is that Gov. Rendell was trying to get the 1925 NFL title restored when he was supposed to be passing the state budget." Ah, but they didn't support their teams. Nor, for that matter, did Los Angeles. Green Bay has tens of thousands of people waiting to buy season tickets. The only line that long in Philadelphia is for people waiting to boo something ... anything ... just to keep in practice. Granted, you have many more things to do. You have a city that is full of history, with Independence Hall and the many other Colonial-era edifices. Has anything happened there since, oh, 1776? Except for Legionaire's disease and the police bombing citizen's houses? Green Bay may be dull, but you'll survive. (Oops, I forgot that movie. At least we have a statue of Vince Lombardi, a real person. Your statue is of a bad actor playing a fictional character. And it took him a sequel to win a fight.) You attack us for our dining habits: "There's one other thing to do in Green Bay - drink. Under the heading of 'Entertainment,' a Web site doesn't have 'Nightlife' but there's a massive section for 'Taverns' - as if there's a difference between the Buck Stop Inn and the creatively named Watering Hole Tavern. You're certainly better off drinking than eating. The 'Restaurant' section lists all nine of Green Bay's Taco Bells under the heading 'ethnic.'" Well, at least we aren't proud of putting ugly glop on a bad cut of meat and passing it off as a "cheesesteak" when there's bad cheese and thinly-cut horsemeat in reality, covered with enough fungus to engulf a toad. And, of course, here in the land of cheese, we look upon your cream cheese with disdain, considering it a poor flavoring for a bagel. Of course, you rib us for being "the toilet paper capital of the world," but if we weren't, you'd be doing your column at a stand-up desk, I'd bet. You go after a few of our players, but every city (Allen Iverson) with a team has a few bad actors (Allen Iverson) who get in trouble with the law (Allen Iverson). Another of your comments: "Most of the Green Bay football myth is exactly that - myth. Take Lambeau Field's legendary 'frozen tundra,' a clever turn-of-phrase phrase made famous by - you guessed it - a Philadelphian, legendary NFL Films' voice John Facenda." If you had hustled out to the NFL Films offices, they would have told you Facenda never said that. Blame Chris Berman of ESPN. At least our turf doesn't end careers, as your Veterans Stadium turf did. (Oh, and we haven't had a railing fall off our stadium yet, as yours did during a game.) I shouldn't be mean; you have a pair of nice new facilities, both named after banks, which fits modern sports nicely. But you opened Lincoln Financial Field with ... a soccer game! What are you people, Communists? And you got to a Super Bowl in 1981, overworking Dick Vermeil so much he's done nothing but cry since. But you have to go back to 1960 to remember Lombardi's only title game loss, to the Eagles at Franklin Field, which was also built in 1776. First, you wouldn't have won had not Chuck Bednarik played both ways; we have respect for him as you do for Brett Favre. And second, just two years earlier, the worst Packers team in history finished 1-10-1. Its only win that year came over ... nah, I can't twist the knife. Yours in sport, Ray Barrington Barrington is a reporter for The News-Chronicle. His column appears here Fridays. Contact him via e-mail at [email protected] or call 432-2941.