A political book tour: Titles to be By Tom Brooker News-Chronicle We must be getting into the summer season, because people seem to be casting aside their fixation on Donald Trump in favor of reading. Take, f'rinstance, the following question ... Jenna C. of Slovan says: "How can any serious American listen to the trash talk of Richard Clarke as he tries to tear down our president? It's very obvious to millions of us that he's just trying to drum up publicity for his book. And isn't it strange that a man (Bob Woodward) who tried to bring down one Republican president (Richard Nixon) picked this politically perfect time to try to bring down another (George W. Bush)? "Is there nothing people won't stoop to make a buck?" Answer: Not very much, Jenna. After all, I get paid for writing this stuff, an' so? Howsoever, it seems to me that it's just politics as usual. Woodward's "Plan of Attack" and Clarke's "Against All Enemies" are but the first wave in a flotilla of books we'll see between now and November, all of which I suspect were motivated by something other than money or fame or the good of history. Fortunately, I'm very tight with hundreds of publishing moguls, and they've been kind enough to provide me with a sneak preview of blockbuster books due off the presses between now and the November election. Here are but a few ... - "This Land is My Land." A long, fascinating tract by Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, who explains how he's been instructed by God and Donald Rumsfeld to make all the Arab-speaking countries of the Mideast our next states. Be sure to read the intriguing forward written by Alexander the Great. - "Saving Face." Presidential wannabe John Kerry gives us a rare, behind-the-scenes story of all the goofy things a person has to do just to be the ruler of the free world. He describes his botox treatment as "the most agonizing thing since I took shrapnel in the butt," and he says his greatest struggle is keeping rank-and-file Democrats loyal to him by pretending he's NOT a multi-millionaire. - "In My Uncle's Footsteps." A painful but eye-opening autobiography by National Security Advisor Cond-oleesa Rice. Heir to the Rice fortune (started by her famous Uncle Ben), Conde talks about overcoming years of discrimination for something she couldn't help: being a Republican. - "I'm a Howdy Doody Dandy." Al Gore's rather amusing account of his public life, starting with his days in Congress, his years as vice president and his invention of the Internet. An illuminating quote: "I dismissed all that talk about how 'wooden' I am until one night Tipper kissed me and yelled in pain. It was really tough getting that splinter out of her tongue." - "The Wisdom of W." This is an insider's look at all the brilliant decisions made over the last three-plus years by President Bush II, penned by none other than Newt Gingrich who was, after all, a college teacher and somebody who knows brilliance when he sees it. Gingrich holds you spellbound from the very beginning to the very end of this four-page opus. - "It Takes a Village Idiot." Some hate her, some love her, but EVERYBODY watches her, and this book by Hillary Clinton is sure to keep the firestorm raging. She summarizes the Monica thing with her husband (to whom the book title refers) as "a waste of a nice, blue dress," and says getting elected to the Senate from New York "was a snap once Mario Cuomo showed me on a map where he thought Albany is. "I found it anyway." - "Joined at the Hip." You just knew somebody would do a tell-all book, and Vice President Dick Cheney really comes through, detailing how he has "assisted" the president in every way imaginable. F'rinstance, he describes how he got the president to eat his Cream of Wheat by pretending the spoonful of mush was a big choo-choo train and the president's mouth was a tunnel. The veep also says George II has a bashful bladder and "snores so loudly I haven't had one good night's sleep in the last four years." - "I Love a Charade." A breast-baring tale (pardon the imagery) by U.S. Sen. Ted Kennedy, who gives intimate details about his recent "remake." This is a must-read book for anyone with political ambitions as Kennedy explains how friends took him aside and issued some candid, "tough-love" advice. As a result, he stopped womanizing, stopped drinking, got remarried, gave President Bush a big bear hug to bolster the prez's education bill and then took to the campaign trail to tout Kerry and to trash Bush. The toughest part of the transformation? He says it's wearing that electronic bracelet his new wife insists upon. - "This Man is an Island." A political diatribe by professional pain-in-the-patoot Ralph Nader. "Island" lays out Nader's desire to transcend his windmill tilting against unsafe cars, nuclear power plants and campaign-financing fiascoes and "do something a little more fun - spoil attempts by one Democrat after another to become president." The forward of the book is an interesting rant by H. Ross Perot who describes the two-party system thusly: "If you're a horse being forced to mate with a jackass and an elephant at the same time, it don't matter a hill of beans whose doin' it. To the horse, it's all the same." - "Supreme Being." Rarely does the common person get to see the workings of a great legal mind, but this treatise by Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is truly a revelation of genius. For page after page after page, Scalia explains to the layman just how brilliant he is and laments that his intellect is really beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. An interesting aside is that the book was transcribed by a Benedictine monk because Scalia refused to have his words tape recorded. It is rumored Mel Gibson has already bought the movie rights. So there you have it, Jenna. If these aren't enough to slake your thirst for great literature, you'll just have to be content with this column. Brooker is editor of The Green Bay News-Chronicle. You can ask him anything through e-mail ([email protected]), or write to him at P.O. Box 2467, Green Bay, 54306.