How to get there from here Column By Tom Brooker I write this column on Wednesday, which, for many of you outside of Green Bay, means a full week goes by before you get the privilege of reading it. That being the case, I was an eensie-weensie bit premature last week in saying the Russians finished a distant third in Olympic medal-grubbing. I was right at the time I wrote it, mind you (I am ALWAYS right at the time I write, right?), but ultimately, even though the good-ol' US-of-A kicked global butt, those dirty Ruskis staged a miraculous comeback and beat out China for second place. (Rumor has it the Russians found China's secret stash of steroids and hijacked it for their own use, rendering the poor Chinese athletics mere mortals while the Russians started pole vaulting over the Parthenon.) So, there. I feel good. I've done my editor's duty and set the record straight. I've also (cleverly, if I say so myself) provided the perfect segue to the first question ... Dorothy J. of Gillett (who added a wunnerful-wunnerful P.S. to her note, telling me how much she LOVES my "style of writing" - so what the hell's the matter with the REST of you?) asks, "Do Olympic athletes get paid for each medal they receive, like so much money if they receive a gold, silver of bronze medal? And what about those who compete but unfortunately don't receive a medal? Are they paid a certain amount anyway?" Answer: Yes and no, Dorothy. American athletes who cop a medal get paid by OUR Olympic committee - 25, 15 and 10 Gs for gold, silver and bronze respectively - and of course there are those endorsements that pay handsomely if people perform handsomely and (more importantly) LOOK handsomely, especially in Speedos. However, the International Olympic Committee - the big kahunas who oversee the whole shebang - give out diddly squat, zip, nada. NOTHING! That's understandable, because over the course of the last four years - and this is the honestagod truth - the IOC only received a paltry $3.7 billion in broadcast rights, sponsorships and licensing fees for the Olympics. So you can see why this group has been so susceptible to bribe money over the years; it's a hand-to-mouth life when you only have a couple of billion dollars to scrape by on. Athletes schmathletes! They've got to look out for themselves. So, the accurate answer is that Olympians get paid only if their sponsoring countries agree to do so as a side deal. And some do. F'rinstance, weightlifters from Ethiopia are treated by their country to a free meal at Wendy's for a bronze medal, a large popcorn and a pair of tickets to "The Passion of the Christ" for a silver, and gold reaps them a carton of duct tape to take back home and seal the hut. Medalists from Iceland receive for-real Nike mukluks, and the women's beach volleyball players from Afghanistan (who must wear veils and burqas while they play - somewhat of a handicap, if you ask me) each get a free goat to take home along with their medals. At the opposite end of the spectrum, gold medalists from China are given large chunks of Nepal, while their Russian counterparts receive dachas in Chechnya. ... Hank K. of Green Bay is next: "Is it just me, or can't you get there from here?" Answer: Of course you can, Hank. You just have to do your homework or ask the right person. You have wisely chosen the latter. In Green Bay, to get there from here, simply hop on the State 172 bypass, zip down the northside frontage road until you hit the Holmgren Way detour, go north to Mason Street (avoiding the Lambeau Field tailgaters, of course) and then east across the Tillman Bridge. This, of course, is the proper route only if the bridge isn't up, causing the already congested traffic to back up even miles longer while a 6,000-foot-long ore boat takes 40 minutes to get to the coal dock which is wisely located where it requires all the downtown bridges - assuming they're not already under repair and thusly decommissioned - to open and close e-v-e-r-s-o-s-l-o-w-l-y. Then, take the Monroe Avenue alternate route north to the downtown construction zone. From there you're on your own. One more hint: Don't head west across the Walnut Street Bridge (which is already handling the rush-hour overflow from the under-repair Tillman Bridge). At the end of the bridge, you'll likely encounter a train which stretches to Wrightstown and goes e-v-e-r-s-o-s-l-o-w-l-y through the Broadway Street district because the conductor really likes to soak in the historic atmosphere of that area. So you see, Hank, it CAN be done. ... I'm Tom Brooker, and I approve this column Tom Brooker is editor of the Green Bay News-Chronicle. You can ask him anything through e-mail ([email protected]), or write to him at P.O. Box 2467, Green Bay, 54306.