Little Leaguers at Miller Park? Column By Tom Brooker Urgent matters to attend to this week, urgent matters. So, I'll spare you the oh-so-clever intro and sit ya right down for the main meal so's you can dig in ... From Clyde B. in Germantown: "OK. Let's say Bud Selig is successful in selling the Milwaukee Brewers. What happens to Miller Park (WHICH WE HELPED PAY FOR!!!)? What happens to the name 'Brewers'? And how can Selig be involved in this apparent rip-off and STILL be commissioner of Major League Baseball?" Answer: Hmm ... How do I say this gently? ... How about this: YOU'RE A REAL CHUCKLEHEAD, CLYDE! But I understand. Some people need to be told what they already know. A. The fine State of Wisconsin will see its "investment" in Miller Park reap the same dividends they did from the "windfall" of the tobacco-company settlement. Poof! Gone. Zip, nada, zilch, goose eggs, the short straw, the green weenie, the old shaft-a-roonie. And, there's still a retractable roof to fix. B. Fear not. Miller Park will probably become home to some other local team in need of a place to play. F'rinstance, it could make a very nice location for Frank's Midtown Dairy Queen Little League baseball team - once the roof is fixed. C. Bud Selig became commissioner of baseball precisely because he IS a toady businessman whose sole job is to "protect the best interests of baseball," which, in reality, means to make as much money as possible for himself and other team owners. Hey, it's the American way: Get rich, buy something, threaten to take it away unless you get taxpayer money, get more rich and then take a powder. D. The new owners can take the team anywhere they want and name it anything that would lend itself to a logo cool enough for gang members to pay big money to wear so they can use it to identify their own kind (like that's tough without a baseball hat). Sure, the displaced team's name technically could remain the Brewers, but I doubt that would happen if it were relocated to, say, Salt Lake City where it's a crime to buy, sell or consume coffee or other non-Morman-sanctioned stuff. E. And forget about them going to another brewin' town. St. Louis is already going steady with the birds, and everybody knows Coors owns the Rockies - no, not the team, the mountain range itself. Janet K. of Hannibal, Mo. takes us to another topic: "I just heard that Wisconsin's state Senate majority leader, a Republican, was defeated in a primary by another Republican. As a transplanted Wisconsin Republican who now has little contact with the "news-behind-the-news," can you explain to me this curious blood-letting within my Grand Old Party?" Answer: You bet. Senate Majority Leader Mary Panzer was not just defeated in her primary, she was trampled, stomped into grape juice, run over by a steam roller and ground up into fertilizer. I mean, she was CREAMED. Panzer lost by a 4-1 margin to State Rep. Glen Grothman, a West Bend guy who claimed (and this is the honestagod truth) Panzer wasn't conservative enough. To me (the consummate political insider), having observed Ms. Panzer's record and leadership for the better part of a decade, Grothman's judgment of her is like saying Arnold Schwarzenegger should be pulled from a film because he isn't man enough. But, yaknow, the voters know best and, indeed, Grothman said as much himself: "There's some people who claim conservatism doesn't sell, but conservatism is what this country was built on, and if 80 percent of people voted for me it says something about people," he crowed right after Panzer conceded the race on election night. It sure does say something about the voters - in that neck of the woods, at least. IT SAYS THEY'RE CRAZY!! That's what it says. But at least he has his history right. Those guys in the 1770s who acted to dump the existing government in favor of something no other country had tried were really rock-solid conservatives. You betcha. That don't-rock-the-boat Tommy Jefferson, that better safe-than-sorry Georgy Washington, and that stick-in-the-mud Benji Franklin would be proud of Mr. Grothman and his ilk. ... Republicans tearing each other apart like pit bulls smothered in steak juice and thrown into a ring ... There is a God, isn't there? Brooker is editor of The Green Bay News-Chronicle. You can ask him anything through e-mail ([email protected]), or write to him at P.O. Box 2467, Green Bay, 54306.